It’s a pretty bleak title huh?
I don’t not trust anybody. That’s a lie. But I do trust only a select group of people. Life has taught me this. To have trust requires vulnerability. Because you have to be honest.
Honest with your feelings, honest with your flaws, honest with your secrets.
I have almost been dared to write this article today. As I like to have some diplomacy about me, I’ll have to attempt to write this as cryptically as I can. I feel a little like Carrie Bradshaw when she wrote of her golden shower request in the Sex and the City episode titled “Politically Erect”.
So, what is the message in today’s article? Well, it’s about trusting no one. Which is a harsh call. I will do my best to deliver today’s lesson in the most dignified manner.
A lot of people, don’t like to see others succeed. No. That’s not right either. A lot of people don’t like anyone to be better than them. That’s a better way to put it.
Now I am not a jealous person. And I’m adult enough to understand that there is always going to be someone more beautiful, more talented, more successful, and more driven than me.
It does not rouse feelings of envy within me. If anything it helps me appreciate that person for who they are and pushes me to become better. That’s why having a mentor is important.
But what happens if the people you trust, covets what you have achieved for yourself?
What happens if they pick your brain for advice? You should be flattered right? You should spill the beans and tell them everything they want to know. Right? Right?
After all, you would just assume that they are looking to learn from your own successes and they are only seeing how to implement your own successful method in their own pursuits. Right?
What if, they are so unoriginal in their own thinking, that they actually want to not only implement your method, but downright steal it for themselves?
Should you be flattered? After all, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. But there’s a fine line.
Let’s use the example of clothing.
I love clothes. I am always seeking inspiration from a variety of sources. Magazines, girls on the street, my girlfriends, my sister. You get the drift.
So let’s make a little scenario to give a look at that fine line of flattery and downright theft.
Jessica and Lisa are attending a charity ball.
Jessica is very fashion forward, and Lisa and her are going dress shopping together as Lisa wants some inspiration from Jessica. They go into a dress store where Jessica assists Lisa in styling up an outfit. Jessica helps find a colour and style that flatters Lisa. They both purchase suitable attire for the evening after having a fun time participating in some retail therapy. They attend the ball together and both look fabulous. A success all round.
Lisa goes along with Jessica to the dress store. She looks to Jessica for inspiration, praising her for her effortless style, yet tries nothing on herself. She takes note of all the beautiful gowns she is trying on and gushes over her new purchase once she finally decides on the one. Lisa goes to that same store by herself the next day, purchases the exact same dress as Jessica, yet doesn’t tell her. Upon arriving at the ball, Jessica sees that Lisa is wearing her dress. Jessica is floored. Why would Lisa do that? But Lisa is indignant in her response. “I can wear whatever I like. It’s a free world”.
Indeed it is a free world. There is no stopping anyone from doing anything. There are no written contracts in place to say you cannot imitate someone else, however from a moral viewpoint, is it wrong?
I’m normally on the fence about most things in life, but this particular scenario I feel quite strongly about.
So is it wrong? Absofuckinglutely.
The sneakiness in which Lisa behaved towards Jessica in scenario 2, shows what type of person she is. She is secretive, ruthless, unimaginative, and envious. She is not even concerned about the impact that this has now had on their friendship. All that matters to Lisa is that SHE looks good.
Jessica is hurt and confused for having trusted Lisa. She was only trying to help. Yet Lisa took it upon herself to take advantage of the trust that Jessica placed in her as a friend.
Sometimes this happens in life.
I’ve written an article in the past titled “Cultivating Your Garden”.
In your proverbial life garden, sometimes the weeds can appear as though they are flowers. Sometimes it’s not until the roots of those weeds have begun to strangle your own growth beneath the soil are we able to indeed recognise them for what they truly are. But it’s never too late. You just remove them from your garden, and have learnt for next time what they look like. You just don’t let allow them to be in your garden anymore.
So back to trusting no one.
I always talk about intuition. It’s that swirly feeling in your gut. That’s why they call it a gut instinct.
If something doesn’t feel right, you’re usually correct. But sometimes in life you need to learn the hard way. To see someone’s true colours sometimes means you need to open your eyes. Sometimes people have successfully pulled the wool over them without you even knowing.
But that’s ok. Because after all, life is a lesson, and everything really does happen for a reason.